Happy Birthday!
You're 20! What a gift to have been given so many years... and ones where you have been so loved by so many. God has given you so much favor these past two decades. Be extremely grateful... and know that God is using that foundation of grace to prepare you for a harder season ahead. There will be so much change, but his grace will not fail you.
You've been asking a lot of questions lately about faith and whether what you've been taught about Jesus is enough to see you through a lifetime of loving and serving him. For years, you've depended on your hard work of obedience to earn you favor with Christ. He has seen your labors. He knows you have acted wholeheartedly on the truth you've been given. He also knows how devastated you are about your first low grade in college, and how you feel betrayed by him. You served him faithfully, shouldn't he give you the things you've worked so hard for? This discontentment, this wrestling with God, is the best thing that will ever happen to you in your 20's. It will set you on a path of tearing down your false idols in working for your righteousness, and it will guide you straight into a deeper truth of your desperate need for the cross. You will begin to value it in a way you never had before. There, you will find freedom in Christ for the first time. Pursue it with all your heart. Read C.J. Mahaney's Cross Centered Life and John Piper's Desiring God. Ask all your hard questions and do not be content until you find the answers to them. This effort, this struggle, will not be a waste. "Run the race set out for you. Fix your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith, who, for the joy set before him, endured the cross." Spend these next few years enduring the cross of defining your faith, because Joy awaits!
And oh what joys! You will seek and savor Jesus in ways you never did before. You will find love, and that love will be so rooted in the journey Christ has taken you on to the cross, that had you not shed tears of disappointment and wrestled like Jacob for God to reveal truth to you, you would not be in a place to receive this gift of love. He is preparing you to receive his gifts... and his removal of gifts. Prepare for at least two true heartbreaks... one romantic, one maternal. Both are necessary; neither are wasted by your loving Father who is working out an eternal weight of glory for you through them. So calm down... God is bringing these things to you as you need them. He's kept his promise to you to take care of you far beyond the lilies of the field that he clothes so beautifully.
Focus on pleasing Jesus and not others. Your people-pleasing will be painfully removed from you over the years that you teach. Remember that you are working to please God, not others. When others are not pleased, confess sin and move forward. Do not let it paralyze you. These lessons will be learned in years 24-28, and you will wish you had learned them earlier. You will also forget you are 28, and tell everyone you're 29 for two years, so try to remember. You'll feel jipped on 28 if you don't.
Another lesson from your late 20's: You can never go home again. You will want Christmases and relationships to feel the same as they did when you were a kid, but they won't, and you can't squeeze it back into the same box, so seek to find beauty and joy in your current season, not the seasons of your past.
Some practical advice for the road... get used to a size 8. It stays with you for a while. Don't wear the khaki coolot shorts at seminary... your future love-interest will think they're weird and never let you forget it. Change your major to English. Gaucho pants were not made for you. Don't attempt to pull them off. Invest in making your sister your best friend. Also, take her advice when she says not to hire the wedding photographer you picked out. Savor every card your grandmother sends you. Call your mother more often. Value friendships more than you do. Be there for people. Do not be afraid of their pain. Learn to make donuts with Grandpa Brown, and ask Grandma Brown all about being a pastor's wife. Those opportunities will pass, and you will regret not doing them.
The rest is secret... and so wonderful. Breathe, settle, rest in Jesus, who you will soon learn is so abundantly sufficient.
Here's to the next 10 years!
Sincerely,
Your 30-year-old self
2 comments:
Stefanie, my Dad, Mimi and I have all been shuttling this post around to one another today. Your post made us smile, share some good memories and even tear up a bit. Thanks for sharing it. We love you!
Thank you, Wendy! I'm always humbled when people I love read my work and can relate. You've encouraged me so much. I can just imagine what those conversations were like... wish we were all together for them!
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