Pretty Little Liars: Admitting to yourself that you might actually be ugly

Perhaps the meanest thing you could ever tell a woman is, "You are ugly." These are the words of bullies and ex-boyfriends. They cut like a knife into the very essence of what a woman feels she is supposed to be. In fact, Stacy Eldridge, and her husband, John, have written numerous books on the issue of beauty and masculinity in Christianity. Her book, Captivating, was significant in my adolescent and college years. In it, she writes, 


"Little girls want to know, 'Am I lovely?' The twirling skirts, the dress up, the longing to be pretty and to be seen–that is what that’s all about. We are seeking an answer to our question…Nearly all a woman does in her adult life is fueled by her longing to be delighted in, her longing to be beautiful, to be irreplaceable, to have her Question answered, “Yes!” (47). 


And even as grown women, we are scandalized when we hear other women speak of themselves as anything but beautiful. We swoop in with encouraging words about them being "a daughter of the King" and other precious anecdotes. A recent conference I attended was entitled, "be-You-tiful," and was dedicated to empowering women to embrace their inner warrior princess (well, that's what I got from it at least). But frankly, warrior princesses freak me out, and I look terrible in latex, so the conference was a bit of a bust for me. Besides the fact, I think I actually disagree with the premise. 


You see, I think that there is a possibility that we have so concerned ourselves with self-esteem that we have glossed over the fact that we may very well be ugly (did you hear the world grind to a halt with that statement?) But to arrive at whether or not we are actually beautiful, perhaps we should define the term. And to find the answer to "what is beauty?", we look at its source. We consider Creator God. John Piper writes, "There is in the human heart an unquenchable longing for beauty. And I am persuaded that the reason it is there is because God is the ultimately Beautiful One and he made us to long for himself."*


So all of our ideas of beauty revolve around God in his perfect beauty, and if that is the case, anything that does not reflect the Beautiful One's is only a shadow of the truth. A lesser copy of the perfect image. And if this is the standard, then perhaps we are really only lying to ourselves when we say we are beautiful. In fact, there is a very real possibility we are truly quite ugly. Objects of wrath, even. But, that label doesn't make for a very good women's conference... or a nice bedtime story for little girls. 


However, the point I am making is not that people are not of inherent value to God. That would mean that only beautiful things have worth, and I do not believe this. I am also not negating that once we are covered by the blood of Christ, God looks at Jesus and declares us righteous, even though we are still so very flawed. The point I am making is that we need to take a constant inventory of ourselves in relation to the beauty of Jesus. We Christians must begin admitting our faults and flaws to God (and maybe even others) so that he can redeem those things-- conforming us more and more to the image of his beautiful Son. Encouraging women to continue in their pattern of sin, selfishness, and rebellion against God by lobbing out the "child of God" line is only fostering ugliness. Martin Luther's first point on the 95 Thesis was that "all of life is repentance."  And this is a good starting point for us as well. Perhaps we don't need another conference telling us, "You are beautiful... believe it!"  Maybe we need to start with, "You are a liar... admit it" or "You only care about yourself... confess it." 

Consider Paul's warning in 1 John 1:8-2:6:

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us (we are ugly). If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (make us beautiful). If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us (ugliness). My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin (be ugly). But if anyone does sin (embraces ugliness), we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous (who is most beautiful). He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for ours only but also for the sins of the whole world. And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments (beauty played out in our lives). Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him (ugliness), but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected (she is made beautiful). By this we may know that we are in him: whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked.


It is from there, our admission of our guilt, that we can expose our ugliness to the light and have it redeemed by the cleansing blood of the blemish-less lamb. Take comfort, Friends. While the first step may be to admit we are truly ugly in our sins, this is not the place where we are left to die. Consider the words Jesus spoke to the woman caught in adultery... "Your sins are forgiven. Go and sin no more." I imagine what she heard was, "You are beautiful because my grace has covered you. This is the first step. As you continue to follow me and turn from your sin, you will become more and more beautiful." Let us embrace confession in our daily lives and listen for Christ's answer to our question, "Am I lovely?" growing louder each day as His image breaks through our brokenness.


* (Piper, John. "Jesus is Precious Because We Yearn for Beauty." Desiring God. Desiring God Foundation. Website: desiringGod.org. 1982, 2013.)