1. You want to know what they are so you can be sure to follow them perfectly.
2. You feel a little prick of nervousness at the rules because you are afraid you might break them and someone might get mad at you.
If you can relate to this, you are on the right track. Welcome to the club. But you should be warned: This life will make you simultaneously very liked and very miserable. Aside from a variety of patches and plaques, the People-Pleaser club doles out unlimited numbers of "shoulds" that will leave you eternally occupied. "I should go talk to that person." "I should have worked harder on that project." "I should have cleaned the house today." "I should have volunteered to help with that." And the list goes on and on.
There are several rules you need to know if you are going to live your life as a people-pleaser.
1. At all costs, avoid the risk of being misunderstood.
2. The absence of conflict equals peace; do no rock the boat
3. Everything you do reflects God, so don't do anything that might in any way shed any sort of negative light upon Him.
4. If anyone is mad at you, you have done something wrong
I tried to find former people-pleaser alumni in the Scriptures, but you might be surprised to learn that there are very few. Mary, the mother of Jesus, seemed to be a good fit with her sweet, compliant demeanor. When I would think of Mary, all I envision is her looking down lovingly at the Christ child in the manger scene or looking up sorrowfully at Jesus on the cross, but closer examination of her life suggests she was anything but, and for that reason, I secretly have developed a deeper respect for her. In fact, in many ways she was an incredible rebel bucking social norms and expectations to follow God faithfully. Consider all of the people who would have looked skeptically upon her "virginal conception" story. Even if the religious people of the time were primed with the promise of a Messiah born of a virgin, it is no less improbable than it would be today. Joseph himself seemed a bit underwhelmed by Mary's story at first... he looked for a way to quietly divorce her which suggests some element of disbelief. This Mary is breaking all kinds of people-pleasing rules. And who knows what her parents thought? We people-pleasers are not supposed to have anyone disappointed in us, especially those closest to us. Couple that with your local government trying to kill your baby shortly after his birth, and you have the whole makings of a people-pleaser nervous breakdown. And yet, her response is so wonderfully magnificent:
"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..."
And this response, which formerly seemed so naïvely compliant becomes a bold statement of faith. She embraced God's work even when she knew others would think she had sinned. It's one thing to follow God when the situation is difficult, but when you are obedient to God and people end up thinking you're a depraved sinner, that takes guts. And the people-pleaser in me very much shies away from this. It breaks every rule in the sacred people-pleaser handbook. But as I peep out from my tiny hiding place, I marvel at Mary. At fourteen, she had more courage than a woman twice her age. And her prayer continues to resonate with me:
"For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is on those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts, he has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted those of low degree; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity for ever" (Luke 1: 46-55).
Thus, as she tucked herself away behind the mighty strength of a God who could arrange an immaculate conception, she walked boldly into strength where all nations would not only call her blessed, but would additionally turn and worship the Savior she had birthed.
And this makes me envy her. She was obedient without even looking over her shoulder at the other people-pleasers who stood gaping in her very pregnant wake. But John Piper builds a strong argument for this type of obedience, the type of obedience that requires me to step away from people pleasing in pursuit of something better.
“Our obedience is God's pleasure when it proves that God is our treasure. This is good news, because it means very simply that the command to obey is the command to be happy in God. The commandments of God are only as hard to obey as the promises of God are hard to believe. The Word of God is only as hard to obey as the beauty of God is hard to cherish (The Pleasures of God: Meditations on God's Delight in Being God).
"My soul magnifies the Lord, and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior..."
And this response, which formerly seemed so naïvely compliant becomes a bold statement of faith. She embraced God's work even when she knew others would think she had sinned. It's one thing to follow God when the situation is difficult, but when you are obedient to God and people end up thinking you're a depraved sinner, that takes guts. And the people-pleaser in me very much shies away from this. It breaks every rule in the sacred people-pleaser handbook. But as I peep out from my tiny hiding place, I marvel at Mary. At fourteen, she had more courage than a woman twice her age. And her prayer continues to resonate with me:
"For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed; for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name. And his mercy is on those who fear him from generation to generation. He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts, he has put down the mighty from their thrones, and exalted those of low degree; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy, as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his posterity for ever" (Luke 1: 46-55).
Thus, as she tucked herself away behind the mighty strength of a God who could arrange an immaculate conception, she walked boldly into strength where all nations would not only call her blessed, but would additionally turn and worship the Savior she had birthed.
And this makes me envy her. She was obedient without even looking over her shoulder at the other people-pleasers who stood gaping in her very pregnant wake. But John Piper builds a strong argument for this type of obedience, the type of obedience that requires me to step away from people pleasing in pursuit of something better.
“Our obedience is God's pleasure when it proves that God is our treasure. This is good news, because it means very simply that the command to obey is the command to be happy in God. The commandments of God are only as hard to obey as the promises of God are hard to believe. The Word of God is only as hard to obey as the beauty of God is hard to cherish (The Pleasures of God: Meditations on God's Delight in Being God).
So maybe Mary isn't just a sweet, innocent girl from our manger scenes. Perhaps she is also the fierce, tenacious woman who sacrificed reputation and convenience to follow her God into ultimate satisfaction... and we people-pleasers catch our collective breath.
No comments:
Post a Comment