Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Don't Burn the Popcorn-- and other ways not to shame yourself

Best-laid plans, right?

You think to yourself, "I always loved it when my teacher used to make us popcorn and serve it in our class while we did our work. That was special. I think I'll do that for my students." And it goes well for three of your four classes. The children love you. They're on their best behavior. You're thinking this has been the best, most peaceful start of the year you've ever had-- until bag 4 sets off the fire alarm. Children burst out of every room in the school.

And it's your fault.
And you should have known better.

And you know if nothing else, you've earned a mental demerit from your boss, and understand a slap on the wrist and a gently worded "new rule about popcorn" is on its way.

And you are shamed.

Students, of course, want to high-five you for interrupting the tedium of their day, but the fire marshal's presence instills instant sobriety to the situation. Shame.

And shame feels like the heaviness of the earth and the hollowness of isolation. Having already experienced the "poop incident" only last week, I was at least equipped with some good battle strategies. I reminded myself that God was not angry with me for making a mistake. I confessed to God that I had knowingly engaged in an activity that could potentially lead to this outcome (the guy who did it five years before me is still trying to live it down-- and he doesn't even work there anymore!). I told him how sorry I was that I had inconvenienced so many people, and I had personally apologized to the administration (Cured of my people-pleasing, huh?). I had done everything I could to make it right, and yet I still felt some unrest in my spirit. Some time spent reading the Scriptures would help to comfort me.

I began reading Isaiah 51:7-8.

Do not fear the reproach of men [...] My righteousness will last forever, my salvation through all generations.

And I was grateful for the perspective. How small this incident and the potential slap on the wrist in light of an eternal perspective.

But the verse that really struck me came from Isaiah 53:4-5.

Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

And it was the first time I made the correlation between the debilitating, isolated feelings of shame and Christ's own experience on the cross. He took the shame I'm feeling today to the cross with him thousands of years ago. And what must have that have felt like for him? My shame is great over this small issue, but he took it all (all my shame and yours, plus all the weight of our sin) with him, crying out to God about his isolation, My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?

With the simple knowledge of the torture we feel when we experience shame, how can we not fall on our knees before our good Savior and praise him for what he accomplished through his lonely, shameful suffering and triumphant defeat of death in every way?

So may we be comforted by Isaiah 54.

Do not be afraid; you will not suffer shame. Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth [praise God!!] and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. For your maker is your husband-- The Lord Almighty is his name.-- The Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

Praise the God of all the earth for sending his Son to redeem us in our shame and defeat it forever for the glory of his name!

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